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[23 Feb 2004|07:05pm] |
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whatevs.
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[22 Feb 2004|01:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
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embrace today |
] |
coheed and cambria was amazing.
hundreds of people trying to get out of one door at the same time was not.
i need to spend more time in OC with misa and less time here.
went to UCLA yesterday with ashley and lauren to work on my thesis paper.
i definitely set off the emergency alarm at the library too.
and walked around in the rain alot.
drove home singing beatles songs. i was john.
went back to ashley's and had a bad night until we went back home and had girl talk.
its cute that my moms new favorite song is 'sic transit gloria' by brand new
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[17 Feb 2004|05:34pm] |
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i love how a bunch of freshmen girls thought i was a lesbian because i hugged magda today.
grow up, seriously. and stop sleeping with seniors.
and how my mom is saying she wants to send me to happy hill farm: home for troubled teens. COME ON who the fuck have you been living with for the past 16 years? when have i ever been a delinquent? how can you even say something like that? im a good kid. im absolutely a good kid. im not going to go with this 'i cant handle life anymore' shit but this is really driving me insane. im basically the worst teenager ever to my parents and im told that everyday. it doesnt just role off your back when your mom tells you what a bad person you are.
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[16 Feb 2004|09:45pm] |
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my valentines date with lauren was fantastic. we ate at el coyote where we gushed over a cute gay couple and made up the life story of another gay man that came in. he was mid 50's/early 60's wearing a red v-neck. i did his past and lauren did his future. we finished early and walked around till we ended up at a little bookstore. we stopped in and read till it was time to go to the movies. breakfast at tiffany's and sabrina on the big screen was the perfect way to end a wonderful night. i love you lauren!
shopping and hanging out with krysta for the rest of the weekend. the fashion district wasnt as good as we had hoped but i got cute shoes.
FRAU x BLUCHER: i saw the chocolates that you made for lauren
FRAU x BLUCHER: and i am SO IMPRESSED
call her honey: im a domestic goddess
damn right.
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[13 Feb 2004|04:14pm] |
i am heaven sent.
don't you dare forget.
i am all you've ever wanted.
what all the other girls all promised.
sorry i told.
i just needed you to know.
i think in decimals and dollars.
i am the cause to all your problems.
shelter from cold.
we are never alone.
coordinate brain and mouth.
then ask me what it's like to have myself so figured out.
i wish i knew.
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| any takers? |
[05 Feb 2004|05:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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hopeful |
] |
| [ |
music |
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as i lay dying |
] |
doesnt matter anymore. im hanging out with kayla either way.
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[01 Feb 2004|05:07pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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peaceful |
] |
| [ |
music |
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super bowl in the backround |
] |
im glad my aunt came down this weekend.
im glad i hung out with all my friends from when i was 3 yesterday. reunion!
im glad we called johnny's girlfriend and told her off because she was being a dick to him.
im glad i went to the movies. just me and my grandma.
im glad i saw ricky last night.
im glad i saw someone else and he talked to me.
im glad megan, ari, and i drove through torrance singing ludacris and late 90's rap songs at the top of our lungs.
im glad that the new mission is to find ashley a boy. hahaha
im glad my mom just yelled at my brother and he started to pout and then left.
now back to knitting and football.
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[29 Jan 2004|10:41pm] |
everything kind of fell apart at the same time.
people who i need kind of stopped caring all at the same time.
everyone got so used to being able to shit on ashley because theres no worries she'll bounce back and always be there. or maybe it just wouldnt be that big of a loss.
im not needed or missed and iv come to realize that.
im sorry if i havent spoke to some of you in awhile because i know iv left out a lot of people. but i can honestly say im really not ok.
i hide everything. just know that.
i cant explain whats going on either.
i cant explain having a million thoughts racing through your head and one thought at the same time.
i cant explain just wanting to scream and peal off my skin to escape.
i cant explain no thinking youre worth it because thats what other people think.
everyone cares and at the same time everyone doesnt.
i dont know what i need. i dont even know if what i want is what i want anymore.
im just not feeling well.
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| new onelinedrawing<3 |
[24 Jan 2004|11:17am] |
| [ |
mood |
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speechless |
] |
| [ |
music |
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onelinedrawing |
] |
when you make someone into a superhero
know that they will fly
and they will see right through you
they will burn so bright
that they will make you blind
yeah, they will make you blind
and if heaven will have you
then someone will have you
love will find a way
and as sure as i can see you
there is someone who will need you
love will find a way
and did i dream of you?
and was it never true?
whatever we'll go through
and did i dream of you?
and if heaven will have you
then someone will have you
love will find a way
and as sure as i can see you
there is someone who will need you
love will find a way
one word: amazing.
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[21 Jan 2004|01:18am] |
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my childhood.
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[17 Jan 2004|09:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
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the bled |
] |
i spent all day watching the newlyweds marathon and cleaning my room.
my life is definitely better than yours. definitely.
i vacuumed, dusted, and threw a lot of crap away.
my stereo is broken for sure. it wont play anything but modest mouse.
sorry if youre trying to call my cell phone... you cant.
it started flipping out and turned off and since the button to turn it on has been broken for months i cant turn it back on.
im getting a new one tomorrow i hope.
time to watch movies by myself.
where did my life go?
ps- my dad drove home today in a brand new corvette.
car count: 5.
and we dont know why he bought it.
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[14 Jan 2004|11:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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warm heart, cold feet |
] |
im starting to realize how anti-social i really am.
i mean i have my friends. i have the people i care about and love to be with and that love me and sometimes i feel like i dont need anything else. i dont have anything against people (most of the time) but i really dont make an effort or really care if i meet new people. i always have someone i can call. i always have someone who will listen no matter what. i always have someone who cares about me more than themselves. i always have someone that will be there. infact, i have many. what more do i need? so im always shy and quiet around people i just meet because its not a big thing for me. i dont care if i go party or if everyone knows my name because im much happier spending time with people i actually like. think about it. how much time do you spend with people you dont like? maybe its like my english teacher said one day "its usually the people we dont know who we try to impress. and its the people who we love and care about that we usually forget and take for granted." and that doesnt mean that i dont like new people i meet but i guess im just... content.
so to my friends. im hoping you know who you are.
i love you. i cant express it more. i cant believe that i could sit down and say that i have this many amazing people in my life. i could call anyone of you and say i was having a bad time and that i needed a hug and i know you would find a way to me. just to give me that hug. im sorry if iv been distant lately. i know i have been to a lot of you. but its all me. im not feeling good about life and iv started to back away from the people that matter to me most. im not at a good point right now and im just never happy with anything. again, im sorry. iv noticed it and ill try to stop. i hope this made sense i wasnt just rambling.
i love you.
ps - iv got a feeling i just cant shake.
im going to get out of this. just takes time.
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| Call me on your way back home, dear. because i miss you. honey i aint nothing new |
[11 Jan 2004|08:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
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bleeding through |
] |
model UN conference all weekend.
it went okie as far as long boring weekends go.
i need sleep.
does anyone else have AIM on their cell phone?
how in the heck do i take it off? or at least be able to sign off.
i dont like this whole half caring about me thing people do.
like how i know how much you love me and how you care but you never show it.
all this does is remind me of my problem with my constant need for reassurance about everything. and how i feel like i always need someone else.
whatever. i never see anyone and i guess thats fine.
and i have to remember that things that happen right now arent the end of my life.
im 15 for christ sake.
suck it the fuck up ashley. and get a mind like a 15 year old because you dont have one now.
the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return
A week inside, I think I'm starting to show.
I told myself to keep myself in line.
Should we get married or just go on killing each other?
I don't think I hate you enough to commit you to me.
Happy all the time. It's all we ever do.
Steady in decline. It's all we ever do.
I'm sorry but it's true. /
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[08 Jan 2004|10:45pm] |
peut-etre je ne suis pas la personne je suis suppose pour etre. peut-etre je calme doit me trouver. peut-etre j'ai mis m'ai comme est chiffre comme j'ai pense. je suis seul. tout je veux serai oblige a etre heureux.
goodnight.
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| thats right, you got me |
[04 Jan 2004|12:18am] |
| [ |
mood |
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still COLD |
] |
| [ |
music |
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norma jean |
] |
mom: ashley, are you pregnant?
me: what?!?! no.
mom: then why are you eating a cream cheese and pickle sandwich???
me: because its GOOD.
seriously, try it.
i know where im going when i get my license.
thats right. the get up kids at the glasshouse.
//edit
more conversations with my mom.
me: have you ever played clue?
mom: i dont remember. remind me of it.
me: like mr. plumb did it in the kitchen with the wrench.
mom: do you mean he did it with the wench?
me: nooo, its a murder mystery game and you have to guess who did it where and with what.
mom: ohhhh so not like he DID IT.
im watching the movie now.
mom: what pants are those?
me: uhh those new express ones.
mom: why are they so baggy??
me: what? they arent.
mom: look at the butt. they are.
me: i have no butt!!
mom: ohhh yeaaa. im sorry about that.
thanks mom.
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[27 Dec 2003|01:05am] |
| [ |
music |
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watching late night |
] |
( HAIR )
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| nothing was supposed to hurt like this |
[25 Dec 2003|10:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
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onelinedrawing |
] |
today.
woke up at 8 to open presents.
cuddled in bed till about 1 and watched dogma and knitted.
talked to misa on the phone for 3 hours.
took an hour long bubble bath.
cuddled in my bed and watched sabrina and knitted.
ran out of yarn! im about half way done with this scarf. so mad.
it rained alllll day =)
i hope everyone had a good christmas!!
yesterday.
my extended familys christmas dinner that i wouldnt miss for the world.
all we do is talk about sex, make fun of everyone, and get the adults drunk. you have never had so much fun in your life.
i love seeing kids open presents and how excited they get.
i hate coming home and fighting with my actual family.
quote of the week.
"i hate girls like that (pointing at two really really skinny girls) everytime i see a girl like that im just like 'dude eat a sandwich' nothing wrong with a girl being a little squishy." - austin
HAHAHAHA we laughed so hard.
hair pictures will come later. maybe when i havent been a bum all day.
misa is right, Lloyd Dobbler is prefect.
merry christmas.
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[22 Dec 2003|01:15am] |
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YOU BLEW IT.
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[19 Dec 2003|01:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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bouncy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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pedro the lion |
] |
im officially on winter break.
count of things that have fallen on me today:
-for those who have been in my room and seen my mirror, you know how its long and in 4 pieces? yea, the top piece. it also broke. 7 years bad luck?
-a shelf that is in the corner with all my eeyore stuff on it.
-a picture frame from the top shelf on my desk.
-a bag of pretzels when i opened a cupboard in my kitchen.
its just not my day.
im going shopping in a little while.
i might be babysitting tonight.
it doesnt feel like christmas time. i dont know why but it just doesnt.
tomorrow is my daycares christmas party!
its official, im going platinum at 4:30 on tuesday.
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| im a mess, i guess |
[15 Dec 2003|05:03pm] |
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mood |
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calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
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on broken wings |
] |
spent all of saturday at disneyland.
bubble snow sucked. maybe it was the anticipation of waiting for it all day but it was a let down. favorite ride of the night was its a small world for sure. all the cast members saying happy birthday to christine and lauren. the 50 year old woman in the blue bayou who talked to us about knitting for like 10 minutes loved us. james, lauren, and christine if i was bitchy toward the end of the night im sorry. it wasnt you. everyone slept on the ride home.
all day sunday at knott's.
i was made fun of all day for being short. all i know is that brianna is to my boobs and katie is to my shoulder and they are both 8. and when i stand on the planter at dtd im about 3 inches taller than jeff. im not that short. OK so it rained a lot of the day. i was tired when i left. got home at 11 and stayed up and did homework.
i was walking to school this morning and my hands turned blue. im not kidding. its so cold.
i know im going to hate new years this year. i still wanna go to san diego for tbs and yellowcard. im kissing someone on new years. no matter what i do. end of story.
2 and 1/2 more days of school.
i want a big blanket, hot chocolate, my bed, and you.
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| im shaking |
[15 Dec 2003|05:05am] |
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i have just completed my first successful all-nighter due to schoolwork.
yup, iv been up since 8am sunday morning and havent stopped since.
spent all of sunday at knotts berry farm and got home at 11pm and started working.
im going on nothing but 2 cups of coffee with 3 shots of espresso each.
im feeling okie except my heart is beating a tad faster than usual.
done: 2 papers. 1 on Switzerland's policy on women in the workplace and 1 on Switzerland's policy on education for women. both for model UN of course.
still have to finish: read 20 pages of burmese days.
have to get ready for school now.
i just heard a bump (in the night haha) maybe my dog ran into a wall or something.
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[10 Dec 2003|10:28pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
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onelinedrawing |
] |
today was a good school day. thats something i never say.
school stared at 10:30! i went to bed at 1am and still got 8 hours of sleep! i dont get that much sleep regularly! i was a tad happy about that.
my speech today in history was, im sorry, one of the best things iv given in a long time. it was about 3 minutes and 30 seconds long and ken and mark said i was shaking the whole time but everyone liked it. i was so happy, you dont even know.
ricky visited and it was nice to see him. love you boy.
i turned around in french to do something and the guy behind me asks "do you wear contacts?" i answer no. "wow, you have really nice eyes." it was cute. it made me smile.
and guess who is in my committee for the model UN conference in hunnington beach in january? YUP him <3
there was a little boy on law&order tonight named tanner. so cute.
saturday: disneyland with james, lauren, and christine.
sunday: knotts with my godson (braydon), his mom (elaine), and his sister (biranna) for brianna's birthday.
i still need to go christmas shopping but you all have to tell me what you want. speak up now.
70% chance of rain tomorrow!!
p.s. - one thing i hate most is when people call my cell phone looking for other people. stop it. its not like there arent 3 other numbers you could call to get a hold of someone in my house or anything. geez.
life.
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[07 Dec 2003|07:00pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
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incubus |
] |
friday christine came over and we watched about half of clueless and baked chocolate chip peanut butter cookies. she didnt like them and i thought they were okie. the recipe was probably wrong.
(christine at my house eating chicken that my mom had made)
christine - "my god this is so good! what is it made out of??"
me - "uhhh... chicken."
haha christine i love you.
saturday there was a model UN conference at my school and i worked it. i had so much fun! i love bassem. he was the chair for my committee so he ran the committee and i helped along with christina gurgis. he was so nice and so funny and made jokes about this kid who was the UK because he was an "emo child." it was so true. he is great. then i came home and lauren, christine, and i went to SAMO high to see the play noises off. it was so funny. i liked it a lot. today i went to my friend rachels so her, blair, and i could work on our history project. we dont really understand it so we didnt do much but sit around and talk and play with the dog and eat farmers cheese. oh and braid my hair.
jeff, lauren, james, and i are moving to seattle together just to let you guys know. jeff and i have had this plan for awhile but now james and lauren are coming. lots of kissing in the rain i tell you what.
who thinks i could pull off platinum?
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[29 Nov 2003|01:46am] |
| [ |
mood |
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frigin cold |
] |
| [ |
music |
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what not to wear |
] |
ok im exactly sure of how i feel. its JUST like it is in the scene in 'when harry met sally' where harry is describing to sally how he feels about the night they had sex. hes remembering how whenever he has sex with a girl and hes lying there after it all he wants to do is leave so he can go hang out with his friends. but after he slept with sally and was lying there he was already lying there with his best friend. it was weird but it felt right. if anyone hasnt seen it 1) go watch it! 2) stop reading. and what happens? they end up together. and that is the only way i would have it. laying there after everything is said and done, with my best friend.
this means i have about 2 months to lose it.
WHAT am i going to do?!?!
come on. im a giver!
hahaha. right.
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[27 Nov 2003|04:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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full |
] |
| [ |
music |
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the bled |
] |
its thanksgiving and im participating this year and saying ( what im thankful for. )
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[23 Nov 2003|08:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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fine |
] |
| [ |
music |
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onelinedrawing |
] |
friday i went to lilys then we went to school to see the play. it was really good and i wanted to cry. it was SO cold all night and i wanst a very good date. fell asleep in lilys bed =) woke up in the morning and went home.
cleaned my room for a few hours because it needed it and felt one of those “alone depressed self loathing” night coming on so i called megan derrico. went to her house and played with haley (her 4 year old sister) then went and picked up steven and got ice cream. went home. went out again and rented chacing amy and dogma. the guy who worked at blockbuster followed me around and was cheeking me out. HA i cracked up. stayed up till 5 watching movies and yelling at bitches who called my phone looking for my brother. was woken up this morning by haley sitting on my head and farting. i love my life.
i love being with megan too. iv known ger since I was 1 and she has always been my best friend. its great to get away from everything because we never talk about our lives and how we’re feeling when we’re together. its just us and the “remember the time when…” stories.
travis pastrana is going to be on the next MTV cribs!!!
neat. Now i can see where ill live when i marry him.
i love that boy.
hes too cute.
if you don’t know him, im sorry for you.
i haven’t thrown up in 10 years
and i just did.
im not sick at all and i feel fine now.
its strange
ew dude
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| "do you know who i am?!?!" |
[17 Nov 2003|04:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
pedro |
] |
my weekend was fun.
we had a drag race in bakersfield. we won. and broke the MPH record which we already had.
drunk boat racers have always been and will always be my life.
+drunk boat racers!
+being told my pants are too low by women who wear their pants to their bellybuttons.
+homemade (well hotel room made) margaritas.
+whatever the blue stuff was.
+learning that apparently i snore. (sorry future husband)
+being told im a hardcore bitch and can take care of myself and thats why my mom loves me.
+mexican foooood!
+being at least 13 years younger than anyone i was with.
+being told from everyone in our crew that no guy will ever be good enough for me, i cant marry till im 45, and when i do marry they will kill him. (again, sorry future husband)
+messages left on my phone.
+sleeping till 12.
+it raining alllll weekend.
+my mom driving there in the dark. if you know my mom then its funny.
+drinking lots of hot chocolate.
+drunk boat racers chasing squirrels!
( i should be studying. )
its a while away but... what should i do the very first day i get my license?
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| when the truth is, i miss you |
[11 Nov 2003|01:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
amused |
] |
| [ |
music |
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tbs |
] |
best way to spend a night?
in a hot bath with loads of bubbles and the only light coming from the candles scattered around the room. listening to coheed and cambria and just laying there forgetting everything till the cd ends and the water runs clear. getting out and laying on your bed wrapped in a towel drying off and watching finding nemo.
no school today.
i have homework.
i want that warm fuzzy feeling.
A week inside, I think I'm starting to show.
I told myself to keep myself in line.
Should we get married or just go on killing each other?
I don't think I hate you enough to commit you to me.
Happy all the time. It's all we ever do.
Steady in decline. It's all we ever do.
I'm sorry but it's true.
How can I save you when I couldn't save a dime.
I want to call you and tell you that I'm a fan.
All my friends know better but I can't quite hear them.
Still for the life of me I can't imagine our home.
Good things, that's all I want.
All I want for you.
Hold me. Set me free.
It's all I want from you.
It's sad and it's so true.
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| where is the LOVE? |
[09 Nov 2003|09:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
life |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
tupac |
] |
this weekend was pretty fun i guess.
but who has fun yelling at people? me.
iv just never had model UN consume my life for 3 days straight.
all together it was 15 total hours of debate.
who does that???
and ill never depend on people to do their work again.
but waking up at 6:30 is better when you watch tiny toons for an hour.
on the bright side - my pants are comfy. and who was in my committee?! thats right.
i have no school tuesday.
i think im sleeping all day.
yeaa etid sold out. not cool.
it dont matter if you're lonely baby
you need a thug in your life
these bustas aint lovin ya right
i hope you're happier.
( no one reads these anyway )
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| feels like im the only one |
[02 Nov 2003|05:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sooo cold<3 |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
jets to brazil |
] |
can you tell why my intentions always wind up near misses?
there's a kindness in your smile but my sky plays fatal music.
there's an end but we don't get to choose.
we can only lose.
You know there are fours words I need to hear before I go to sleep. Four little words. "Good night sweet girl." That's all it takes. I'm easy, I know, but a guy who can muster up those four words is a guy I want to stay with
( yep, sounds pretty right to me. )
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| and the song plays on and on and on |
[01 Nov 2003|02:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
tired of everything |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
norma jean |
] |
it doesnt burden me one bit that i am not the girl of anyones dreams.
every morning should start with lily and i at coffee bean at 6am. uh-huh.
i love how halloween at my school has turned into every girl dressing up as a '____ slut' (i.e.- fairy, fireman, pirate, ladybug, 80's, 50's, witch, ect.) its like they all watched cheep themed pornos and decided to be that for halloween. and how a category in the school costume contest was 'most scariest.' i have so much pride in my school.
halloween was wet and cold and i sat in the rain for extend amounts of time.
at least my girlfriend was hot.
i also asked a 2 year old dressed as bob the bulider to marry me.
did you guys realize its been like months since we were all together?
i love how people make me feel.
how everything i once believed in kinda fell.
but how i still believe it.
i love how i make things into what they arent.
im frustrated you could say.
i never go back on my word. so why did i now?
Oh You only live twice or so they say
One life for yourself one for the rest
And you, You drift through the years and life seems strange,
And one dream appears and love is its name.
And love is a stranger who'll beckon you on,
Don't think of the danger or the stranger is gone.
Oh you, you only live twice or so it seems
One life for yourself, one for your dreams
And love is a stranger who'll beckon you on,
Don't think of the danger or the stranger is gone, gone, gone
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| turn to page 12 |
[30 Oct 2003|05:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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fine |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
brand new |
] |
you have to know, you have my heart
i love that my hair is the prefect length for little tiny pigtails.
so last saturday i didnt go to homecoming but i did go buy this dress. someone has to take me somewhere now. <3
im completely content with staying home tomorrow night and watching movies.
too bad no one wants to carve pumpkins.
i wish i could trick-or-treat without getting weird looks.
actually i just wish i was 6 again.
i tried to unlock my locker 3 time this morning before i realized i wasnt at my locker. im kinda out of it.
im bored with life.
have fun tonight kim!!!
im off to the library.
& dude i am so a good driver.
<3
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| all i can feel |
[26 Oct 2003|08:42pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
karma is a bitch |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
THE CURE |
] |
im sure that my neighbors love that i have been blaring the cure all weekend. ohhhhh well.
9. What makes me happy? fruit, music, nice hair, band shirts on boys in random places.. good bands i mean, when your hair is all dope like, when your mom lies for you, when i come to see you, when we do anything, lighthouses, making me omlets or making omlets with me, when i hug you, when i threaten people because they fucked with you, when i do chris impressions, when we laugh a whole lot, not being called "babe", phone calls on your cellphone, text messages, naps on my bed during the day or after school, sitting in the middle of the street, sitting in the middle of 17th street on the sewer top listening to the water run underneath your body, kissing, hugging, love, me telling you that "you're my bestfriend, i love you and i woudn't trade you for a thing", visiting you in the morning at school, suffering and bleeding, magnetic poetry, our pictures, your favorite jeans, the sweatshirt i made you buy, bob the builder, good makeup, leopard, XXXHARDXCOREXXX, maggot wars, and EYELINER GOO!
this was done by lily because she knows me too well.
have you ever just wanted someone to think you are amazing?
it's over, we're better.
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|
| another year goes by.... and im still alone. |
[25 Oct 2003|12:00am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
going to bed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
darkest hour |
] |
lily came and got me from school.
then we went and got my hair cut. i love it.
took her home. i have to see her later this weekend.
went with my mommy to get greek food (SO good).
someone should take lily and i to the bled and daughters (and american nightmare) at the troubadour on sunday. i will love you forever.
i love how the cold weather is finally coming back. im completely ready for rain and winter.
peter! he is on homecoming court. good luck tomorrow peter!
i wish i was in arizona with my daddy and everyone else at the races. that is where i always belong.
im bored with life and i dont have much to say.
i miss everyone who doesnt go to my school. i need to see you guys.
who is up for something on halloween?
another thing... i got forgotten this morning. HAHA.
see the thing is my 0 period was cancled so i asked my friend megan to pick me up and take me. she forgot all about it this morning so i had to call my (fake) grandma and have her take me. it was funny walking into 1st period and megan jumping up and going "my god im soooo sorry" and the class laughing because apparently she flipped out in class when i wasnt there and she realized she forgot. wow i love that little girl.
i really need a hug. <3
|
|
| we're all dead. |
[23 Oct 2003|04:02pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
i miss the rain |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
badly drawn boy |
] |
yes, i did indeed steal this from lily.
so do this please:
1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I lovable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. If I was an ice cream flavor, which would I be and why?
8. Do you think I'll get married? To who? Why?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What song (if any) reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. Do you consider me a good friend?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. You totally want my body, don't you?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
20. What is the best and worst thing about me?
ooooo and guesss who is in my committee for my MUN conference at UCLA in a few weeks?? YUPPP. him. <3
p.s. - thank you for lying to me. you really had me going.
|
|
| i always knew id end up dead. |
[22 Oct 2003|09:42pm] |
|
i expand things into what they arent.
i dont mean as much as i think.
im a little tired.
bed time.
is this what it feels like to not fit into your own skin?
dont let me drown.
|
|
| what are you getting at here |
[19 Oct 2003|10:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
i need a hug |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
q and not u |
] |
this has been the longest weekend of my life.
PSAT's were 8-11am saturday.
then model UN conference from 11:30am till 9pm.
and happy birthday megan elizabeth d'errico!! i love you too much.
sunday was model UN conference from 8am till 3pm.
and not getting picked up till 4. cool.
iv never been this tired and worn in my life.
i love how my (fake) grandma is the GOSSIP of the neighborhood and that my mom and i spend 2 hours at her house talking about all the neighbors.
retraction: i am not content with my life.
realize that i love you and shut up.
it kinda kills me that im not the daughter my mom wants.
|
|
| my assult on the world begins now |
[15 Oct 2003|10:09pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
down |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
thursday |
] |
can anyone recommend a good book i should read? since i have so much time in the morning and such.
tonight consisted of:
-watching say anything. (i kinda love jonh cusack a lot.)
-baking cookies. (peanut butter chocolate chip)
-thinking way too much.
i should be able to get up at 9 and start school at 10:30 everyday. =)
and i miss lily. i need to see her like now.
i think im pretty darn content with myself.
it doesnt matter if its there, it still exists
amor vincit omnia.
You come with me, we should leave,
there's nothing interesting in this joint,
We pull stares from the whole crew,
and you act like you never even knew.
We move out to the street
It's raining hard - coming down in sheets.
She takes my hands, pulls hard,
and then we make the dash to the car.
I think's got the right idea,
I think's got the right idea,
'We're not going anywhere,'
she said, 'We'll just stay here.'
'You come with me now, we won't leave,
I'll show you something interesting.'
Her hair streaked her shirt with rain
and that did something to me
|
|
| i lost it all |
[11 Oct 2003|10:22pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
ehhhhhh |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
alkaline trio |
] |
so go plug in your electric blanket
we can stay in 'til our southern summer wedding day
go plug in your electric blanket, we can stay here
today was a completely pointless day. i took a shower and didnt do my hair or put on any make-up. my goal today was to write my outline for my history essay and i havent even done my thesis yet. i went to bed at 8:30pm last night. im awesome or just a bit of a shut in. i got 14 hours of sleep yet again. i think this is because i get no more than 5 hours of sleep every night during the week.
a conversation between my mom and i when i was cleaning the counter and getting stuff on the floor:
mom - "clean the floor."
me - "clean your butt."
clearly i am an immature 8 year old boy.
my dad about 10 minutes later:
dad - "ashley!"
me - "yea dad?"
dad - "if you want a ride home from disneyland tomorrow then you have to make me a ham sandwich."
i love my family a lot.
except: do you ever get the feeling that your family doesnt know you? like at all? so the other day my mom says she is going to the store and asks if i need something and i say to get me something to eat for breakfast (because i get tired of having fruity pebbles every morning). so she comes home with a box of about 6 assorted types of oatmeal. now this is completely fine except for the fact that I HATE OATMEAL and i mean with a passion more than life. i have always always hated oatmeal. iv never eaten more than a few spoonfuls in my life and it creeps me out beyond belief. you know chuckie on rugrats and how much he dislikes oatmeal? yea thats me. so she has known me for my entire life and doesnt know this? hellooooo. i told my (fake) grandma today and she started laughing and was like "how does she not know that?" because i was always the daycare kid who had to have raisin toast when all the other kids were having oatmeal for breakfast. my mother doesnt know me.
we're neat.
|
|
| when im lying without you |
[10 Oct 2003|06:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
all melancholy and such |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
glassjaw |
] |
tonight is definitely a wrapped in a blanket in my bed drinking hot chocolate movie night. too bad i have a lot of home work and um studying to do because i did badly on some tests. i might change out of honors algebra 3-4 to just regular 3-4, who knows.
you know when you think of someone and you get that mental image? like a picture of them? well i do. when i think of someone i see them and its always the same mental picture. everyone i know has a one specific picture or action in my head that i see each and every time i think of them. and i dont know if i could describe it because you cant see yourself the way i do. i want to know what people see when they think of me. i want to know if/how i am stuck in peoples heads.
my mom bought me dr. pepper and mini pomade for my purse! shes neat.
im making chocolate chip peanut butter muffins. hope they turn out well.
the house next door to me if for sale. someone should so move in there.
im a wreck.
i really cant explain it, i hear the music when i look at you.
im so in love with you.
|
|
| sink in, shallow like sand. i will not wear this blood on my hands |
[06 Oct 2003|01:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
etid |
] |
last night was a lot of fun.
every time i die was amazing. cave-in played too long and we were outside the entire time. and im not a big fata fan.
lydia and all of her friends are darling!
count of who has the same every time i die hoodie: me, lily, jeff, lily's friend chris, and hector. hahahaha.
i miss seeing ricky all the time. come here more often ricky!
not killing chris was the only downside of the night. sorry, lily.
iv been informed that it is travis' brithday.
happy birthday travis!!
after reading brianne and kim's journal i really wanna go to knott's scary farm this year. i was disappointed when our plans fell through last year and iv never been. so yea i have to find a way to go.
my computer is being dumb and not letting sign onto AIM. if i was talking to you im sorry.
i wanna sleep till 12 more often.
|
|
| i place the blame solely in your hands |
[04 Oct 2003|10:01pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
all cold and stuff |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
on broken wings |
] |
went to bed late and woke up too early.
i am so tired and i cant sleep. i hate it when that happens.
went to the conference and some people didnt like me because i go to mira costa and we are rivals i guess. blah blah blah i got an award.
we did these joke awards because we had all this time left and were bored and somebody said i was "most likely to have their birthday party at chuck e cheese." the thing is i didnt know anyone there so no one knew i had my last birthday there. weird dude.
got back around 5:30 and i drove home and scared the shit out of my mom. it was comical. megan called and i went to go see her new car. its a silver jetta with black interior and its sooooo cute!!
i watched lilo and stitch and my mom made cookies without me. =(
maybe ill go take a bubble bath.
also new layout! i was bored.
i am going to sleep and tomorrow is everytime i die with lily and ricky. yea yea i win at life.
no school monday. what am i doing??
in conclusion:
my friends enjoy slides.
|
|
|
[03 Oct 2003|04:21pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sleepy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
mae |
] |
so when i make my first $6 million im buying an island.
http://www.privateislandsonline.com/aleixosabz.htm
if i go missing one day look for me there.
ill be living off fruit.
and ill let like 2 people on.
|
|
| so soft and easy to ruin |
[29 Sep 2003|09:25pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
waiting |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
bno |
] |
i love this weather.
its too cold to go to bed in the simple tank top and boxers with one blanket anymore. i wore a skirt today and was freezing during most of my classes.
im ready for the cold and the rain to come.
im ready for hoodies, sweaters, living in one pair of jeans, shoes and baseball socks to keep my legs warm, no more flip flops, and wearing the lime green/dark green scarf from urban outfitters that i want.
i love walking everywhere around my house wrapped in my blanket. and wearing socks all the time because the floor is just too cold.
im ready for hot coco every night again and cuddling to keep warm while watching movies, well i guess not that but you get what im saying.
i want to bake cookies a lot again just to warm the house (even though we have a heater haha) and because warm cookies are heaven on cold nights.
im ready for thanksgiving at my house with mom, dad and brothers and thanksgiving at my (fake) grandmas house with 20+ assorted family members.
i love walking outside and breathing out and seeing my breath in the air.
i want it to rain. i wanna sit on my back step and watch it for hours like i always do and fall asleep to the sound of it.
i cant wait for christmas and im already anticipating decorating the christmas tree (its my favorite thing maybe ever).
you know what christmas means right? peppermint mochas at starbucks. if they bring it back of course. i love those.
its not cold enough though. im just naturally always cold so dont think i didnt realize it was like 85 today.
bring on the cold.
im funny looking sometimes.
yeaaa i am.
|
|
|
[28 Sep 2003|12:05am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happy birthday |
] |
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEFFREY DONALD WOODS.
i love you and hope you have a good day.
if you were here things would be more magical,
if i were there right now would be more radical.
i love you.
<3
|
|
| you always amaze me |
[27 Sep 2003|12:51pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
rested |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
q and not u |
] |
i just got 14 hours of sleep.
i think im set for life.
|
|
| we all lose in the end |
[23 Sep 2003|04:59pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
all stuffed up |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
bleeding through |
] |
tomorrow is a late start so school starts at 9:30. my 0 period teacher canceled 0 period so i get to wake up at 8! EIGHT! thats about 3 and a half extra hours of sleep. wow.
im grounded for 3 months i guess. it's a long story. my mom is insane. have her committed.
daughters and the bled are playing!! with american nightmare and fairweather. who wants to go with me?? pleaseeee.
if i see one more piece of avenged sevenfold merchandise on some one at my school im going to scream. they are bad. get over it. goodness.
my driving lessons start next week! look ouuut.
i havent talked to alot of people latley. so misa, lauren, christine, ricky, kim, kristin, and whoever else how is it going?
|
|
| give me a kiss, let me taste the sweet reptilian appeal |
[21 Sep 2003|07:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
my hair is wet |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
fern gully |
] |
friday lily picked me up from school.
we went to her house and spent the night watching cartoons.
"get up or feel my squirrelly wrath!
i have squirrelly wrath you know, its one of those nature things"
went to bed at 10:30 because we are awesome.
saturday we saw cold creek manor. it was cool.
went to islands!
went to MAC and they made lily look like a pixie! sooo cute.
came home and later rented movies.
boys yelling "bitches" out of their window and then driving off blaring 311 like it impresses us is really funny. seriously you should try it.
lily is obsessed with tarot cards now. i got the death card =)
we watched gosford park and girl interrupted today.
came home and now im watching fern gully and eating ice cream.
i love hair dye conditioner so much. you have no idea.
fun weekend. now another week of school. blah.
baking this weekend! vegan cookies! im so planing it. come on.
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leopardxcore's journal